Every year millions of women “stop the world and get off” – Daria Willis.
It starts as dissatisfaction with where we are in life and then goes into a state of confusion about the steps we need to take to get where we want to be.
Quite often we don’t know where that place is, but what we do know is where we are in the moment… “‘aint it.”I had an awakening five years ago that started in this same space. A confusion about where I was in my life but not knowing exactly where I wanted to go. Over time, the layers of my purpose began to reveal themselves.
Now, each year, I have this conversation with myself – just to make sure I’m not allowing that level of dissatisfaction to creep back into my life again. Let me give you a sneek peek into the conversation I had most recently.
I asked myself, “Girl (cause we are homies like that) you are a breath away from hitting a milestone age. What has to happen, now? Who are you now?”
I usually ask this every year on my birthday (gotta be consistent). When I assessed myself a few years ago when starting my business, I asked, “Who are you now, 60+ jobs, 3 business partners and 2 failed businesses later?”
The question I asked back then was due to the perception of failure my family had around my life. Their conversation with me was, “well you failed that last time and the time before that…what makes you think it will work now?” Their perception of failure, though is not my idea of failure. But, I had (just like you may have) been typecast in their minds. It will take a while before they catch up to the rescripting that we’ve done for ourselves.
I know you’re going to say, that isn’t really fair, right? Well no, it’s not, because you’re still becoming more of yourself.
All of our lives we are in a state of becoming.
Becoming who we are supposed to be. I remember butting my head against the idea that I am supposed to work for someone else for the rest of my life. It never made me feel good.
But “becoming” is sometimes a sketchy place to be because we can easily be influenced away from our natural state of being into the direction of someone who we never were meant to be.
The people who are closest to us have a lot of influence on those decisions. So do our responsibilities.
With people, they may mean us well but don’t understand that we have to pave our own path. Our path may not look anything like their path.
However, until we make the choice to be more of us, we mimic the socially ‘acceptable’ behavior of our group.
We pantomime a ‘giving’ of self so we don’t truly focus on the depths of who we really are. Don’t raise your eyebrows at that. You know we do. We come in last in our own lives even when we don’t mean to. We cover our desires up and our quirky weirdness because we don’t want anyone else to know our secrets. We makeup (we literally cover ourselves with makeup). We hide. We lose ourselves. So when we are at the point of stopping the world to get off, we literally feel a sense of hopelessness or desperation. Anything has to be better than where we are…
You know why it took me 2 failed business ventures, 3 business partners and 60+ jobs to get to where I am now? Because I let the opinion of others define who I was ‘supposed to be’ hold more weight in my life than my own opinion.
How did I do that?
- I didn’t even know what success looked like to me.
- YOU have to define success and failure in clear terms for yourself. Until you do that, someone else can come in and influence you out of your own feelings of achievement and shame or guilt you into their version of failure.
- All I knew was ‘supposed to’…shrinking thinking
- ‘Supposed to’ work for someone else until I died.
- ‘Supposed to’ look ‘professional’ (no natural hair).
- ‘Supposed to’ work a 9-5 for ‘security’.
There were so many ‘supposed to’ moments that I can’t even begin to name them all. But their definition of success was killing my soul. I felt like I was dying. None of that made me feel successful. I was so bad at wanting what my influencers wanted, I felt like a failure.
You put yourself into a terrible state of being when you allow others to be gods to you.
Their definition of success was my default definition for it. I had never really defined what success was to me. I just used what I’d been told success was and kept moving forward in my life because I had a default yardstick for it.
Not their fault.
It was My Bad.
I didn’t know myself.
Hadn’t uncovered enough of me yet.
Had 1 foot in ‘supposed to’ & the other in discovery.
But your soul always and I mean ALWAYS leads you home to your true self, #soulphisticate.
People say success leaves clues.
God leaves clues.
The year I started my business will always have a place in my heart because it allowed me to build my relationship with The Father. To get still. Stop running and allow His voice to be louder than those who told me what success was. THEIR definition. My default.
I reset the default and moved into a state of giant thinking.
I stopped relying on my own understanding and started trusting the source (God).
I trusted Him.
jaha, what are you talking about?
When I left my job and had a panic attack because I had no plan to pay my bills or take care of The Kid, God put a parachute on my back and led me to safe ground.
He had been leading me all along. He allowed me to have 60+ jobs, 3 business partners and 2 failed businesses. They were the training ground for my greatness.
When He told me to move my feet and I planted them, I found myself involuntarily walking away.
When He told me to close the door on a job and I left it cracked a lil bit, I heard it slam and lock.
Stepping into a new year had changed some things. I had learned the power of His teaching and He showed me that I was required to leave shrinking thinking behind.
It was His call for me to do more.
He said, “No more hiding.”
“No more worrying”
“Plan for your opportunities.”
“More praying. More meditation”
“You are built to lead queens”
“You are built to help hundreds of thousands of people create their destinies and legacies for their children.”
“You deserve more than what you’ve limited yourself to. You REQUIRE more to fulfill the mission.”
“This is your harvest season”
“Close the door on the losses. From them, you’ve learned all you could.”
“Say thank you more often and invite joy to be more of a resident than a visitor.”
“You’ve got this.”
That year, I put away childish things.